I would just want to say ..

Dear Mama ;

Firstly , i thought you the best ever . But the fact is ; you abandoned me in hell . I may not know what is the reason , but why didnt you answer me when i ask you ? Mama , although there is thousand hatred words lies in my heart and every single word i said ; i truely love you . I cant deny it . I used to say i hate you , but its not true . Till now ; i didnt get the reason why , i love you although you let go off me . And leave me in the dark . With full of flies and spiders .

I had been waiting for your calls to say HAPPYBIRTHDAY to me ; but you didnt . You dont even give me any present . But that doesnt matter ; the thing is ; you didnt say what i wanna hearon my special day . Mama ; do you know how dissapointed am i ? How sad am i ? And how i wish ; you would hug me and kiss me on my cheek ?

I treasure every moment with you ; but WHY , you didnt do the same towards me ? Mama ; to me , you're the best mom i never had , but why you did the other way round ? And always put the blame on me ? Am i your baddest kid ? I just dont get it . No matter what mama ; you still the woman i respect and i hope you'll realise my existence one day .

With Love ;

Your Beautiful Daughter .

I'm fuckup

Seriously ; i cant take it anymore . what am i towards them ? What am i ? A puppet ? Ohgod . Im so angry ; i dunnoe what am i thinking . I gone insane ! What ?! im insane ? Yes i am . Im insane . I cant stand this anymore . I SWEAR I CANT ! How can i live with such hypocrites ??

Im extremely boiling ~ Im losing my mind ~ I cant thinkkkkkkkkkkkk . Honestly ; I FUCKING HATE MY LIFEE ! Saay what ?! I fucking hate ittttt ! im insanee ! BECAUSE OF YOUUU !

GUI;LQGUIO;HIO;QWEFR

How i wish i would rewind ..

How i wish i would rewind ; and fuck them before they fuck me like now . They gave a lot of shits ; How can i please you while i SUFFER ; maniacs ! I'm confuse ; which path should i go . I dont know whether i'm happy or not . Its bullshits ! Its a crap ! I dunnoe what i'm thinking . I dont know who to trust . i"m lost ~

Let me make this clear ; I CAN LIVE WITHOUT FAMILY IS ON MY SIDE ! If i can live and build my own confident ; why couldnt i stand by myself ?

Yes i'm mad ! Why you do this to me ?! WHY ?! Let me live my life !!!!

One more step ~

I'm dying ~ You gave me fake hopes . You play at my back . You leave scars on my body ; i drop . I shouldnt believe to your saying . I'm down ; what if you continue ? Now ; im half alive . Im dead ; I smile ; but im hurt .

They kill me inside . I should be somebody better ; but you teach me different ways . You said im bad ; and may i ask something ? Who taught me that ? Who lied ; you said you love me . But you never show . How i wish ; you kiss me everyday . Celebrate my birthday with sweet memories . Without making me cry on my special day . How i wish ; you buy me a huge teddy bear ; and hug me with love . How can i approach you ; with a smile ?? I duunnoe why i always break down ; i became weak when i saw you ~ My soul became cold ; it became numb . I cant move ; as if i saw a ghost . Why i was to know all this ~ I slowlyy ............. dying ~

My stuff ~

As you can see i'm such ordinary teenager who were begging for love . Hey ~ that is my stuff ; and you can hellohello throw it away -.- Its my money . Where i found it ? From the pocket mney for school . I save it like an ass . I didnt eat in school although i am damn hungry . I beg for love ; i hate begging for money . Why dont you realise ; how hurt i am ? How i try to stand for myself and try to think positively that i'm the luckiest girl ever ? You always hurt me . You always make me feel as if i'm down in the basement ; but the fact is ; i'm already at the top of the highest mountain .

I wasn't born so perfect ; but how i wish you look at me and say " You are perfect for me " . Do you know how happy am i ; when you said " Good morning " to me the last 10 years ? Do you know how happy am i when you walk together with me ? Eventhough you made me like your maid ; to bring all the stuff you bought for your sons and daughter & none for me . Do you know how happy am i to see you laugh with me ? And do you know how happy am i when you said " Wanna eat with me along ? " the last 6 years ?

I'm so jealous when you sent your children infront of the house door and wave at them with a sweet smile . I've been craving for that for all my 15 years of living . You did that once ; and never did it again .